There's an expression we came across in Vietnam that you could use to describe my experience of Bangkok - 'Same same but different'. More of that in a moment.
By far our most arduous border crossing was that between Cambodia and Thailand. We left at 6.30am by private bus to drive for a couple of hours to the Cambodia-Thai border. Heaving our increasingly heavy rucksacks off the bus, we walked with them to the border departure line and after being photographed and finger-printed once again, exited Cambodia. Still carrying our rucksacks, we trekked in increasingly hot temperatures through No Man's Land where we stood in line and waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually, after a couple of hours all of us were through and we trekked to find our two minivans that would drive us the six or so hours to Bangkok. Cramming nine people and nine rucksacks and day packs into each minivan we settled down for the long journey. It was uncomfortable and cramped, with the long-legged boys trying to come up with ingenious ways to fit legs into any available gaps. We made petrol stops every couple of hours and, under Thai law, all passengers had to get out of the vehicle and sit in a waiting area while the vehicle refuelled. It was both an inconvenience and a relief as we sat and waited to be summoned back to the minivan each time.
Thai drivers seem to be a lot more considerate than their Vietnamese or Cambodian counterparts. Not once did our driver beep his horn. He overtook after making sure there was enough space. He drove at the speed limit. He slowed down without driving so close to the other vehicle that they were practically touching. It's probably the safest I've felt on the road while on this trip. Plus Thai drivers drive on the left like the UK. Same same but different.
Arriving on the outskirts of Bangkok we hit rush hour traffic. After coming from Cambodia and Vietnam, Bangkok is like a whole other world. Four lane super highways, concrete expressways weaving their way around the city, huge towering skyscrapers, Bangkok is bigger and richer than any city we had visited on this trip so far. I disliked it immediately. On every street huge gold-framed pictures of the King and Royal Family can be seen. Huge statues and elaborate sculptures of Buddha or elephants or lotus flowers are everywhere. We drove to our hotel close to the Khao San Road. It was a cheap backpacker hotel typical of the area and my heart sank. It looked like a Thai knocking-shop only with its own travel agents and currency exchange. That night, foregoing any group activity, I went out for beer and pizza with one of the Aussies on the group and wondered how I was going to fill the next three days.
Next morning, having found some enthusiasm overnight I decided to spend the day in Chinatown and worshipping at one of Bangkok's most impressive retail temples, the Central Plaza Mall. Catching the public riverboat, we disembarked into the heady, dizzying labyrinth streets of Chinatown. Through market stalls selling cheap trinkets and toys, past cloth merchants and street sellers and food stalls selling just about everything, we tried to take it all in. Finally overwhelmed by it all we ducked into a restaurant to escape the heat and get a drink where I tried green chrysanthemum tea - a bit like green tea only sweeter - before deciding it's definitely an acquired taste.
We decided to get a taxi to the mall and after a couple of unsuccessful attempts to get a taxi a) because the driver claimed not to know where the mall was or b) because they wouldn't put the meter on which would have meant paying a ridiculously over-inflated price, we got a cab to the Central Plaza mall. Seven floors of retail hedonism, the mall really is a thing of wonder. The seventh floor is made up of some of the most amazing and opulent-looking eateries catering for the most discerning foodie. I spent the day wandering around all seven levels, eating at a delicious but ridiculously expensive all-you-can eat buffet and going to the pictures, which included standing for the Thai national anthem to pay your respects to the King before the film starts. The protected environment of the air-conditioned mall was the perfect antidote to the temperatures nudging the high thirties outside. We came home via sky train and taxi where we encountered similar problems with taxis to the ones we'd had earlier in the day.
That evening we enjoyed some of Bangkok's finest cultural entertainment. First up Calypso, one of the classier ladyboy shows. Well-choreographed dance and lip-synch routines with elaborate costumes covering the spectrum of traditional Thai, Japanese and Korean singing; melodramatic mini-dramas that told a story; excerpts from Broadway shows or movies like Chicago or Burlesque and individual and humorous set pieces with pole-dancing and even a Thai Shirley Bassey, it was all going on. There were both male and transsexual performers and it was refreshing to see how gender was played around with, so some of the routines featured the guys in diamanté studded underwear and stockings. From a distance the 'ladyboys' looked stunning, really beautiful. Up close there were a few tell-tale signs that they weren't the real thing.
From the sublime to the ridiculous and next up we ventured into the seedier underbelly of Bangkok to check out an infamous ping ping show. Catching the sky train we disembarked into the seething mass of a Bangkok Saturday night, through the night markets and past the strip clubs and girlie bars, where girls and ladyboys hung around doorways. We were in search of a club whose name we'd been given and which we were assured was one of the better establishments. Unable to find it and led by a couple of the locals, we found ourselves at the entrance to another bar where for 200 baht and a free drink we were told we'd see a show. And see a show we did. Was is sleazy? Yes it was. Was it entertaining? Yes it was. On a raised podium in the middle of the floor, three topless ladyboys danced around poles with disinterested expressions on their faces. In the middle a girl wearing only a bikini top performed a series of routines where she inserted various items into her vagina and expelled them. As we walked in she was bursting balloons by firing darts out of her nether regions, then it was bananas, inviting members of the audience to catch them which one of our group did. Then she proceeded to pick up plastic rings by means of a tube stuck up her vagina, then opened bottle tops the same way, firing the tops into the audience and finally pulling out a seemingly never-ending string of plastic flowers. Finally, she performed the thing that we'd all come to see. Inserting one ping-pong ball after another, she fired them into the crowd whilst we shrieked and dodged out of the way. All except one of our group who caught it, put it in his pocket and brought it home with him.
Deciding we'd seen enough, we got up to leave and were presented with a bill for around 4,000 baht. We had come as a group and had been told it would only be 200 baht each but this bill worked out to be nearer 500 baht each. The next few minutes turned a little uncomfortable as we were prevented from leaving and various hard-faced 'madam' type women screamed at us, no doubt in an attempt to intimidate us to pay 300 baht each plus extras because one of our party had had a brief interaction with one of the girls. Standing our ground we refused to pay more than 200 baht each and eventually, after a bit more shouting, the staff relented and let us pay that amount and leave. None of us were naive enough to think they wouldn't try to extort more money out of us and none of us were surprised that the experience had ended the way it did, but we were still mighty relieved to get out of there in one piece. After another disappointing wrangle with a couple of taxi drivers who wanted to charge us 250 baht to drive us home or claimed not to know where our hotel was, we finally agreed to pay 120 baht off-meter to one we flagged down in the street. It was midnight and the streets around the hotel were still busy with people having massages or smoking hookah pipes or watching football on a makeshift screen so we found an outdoor bar strewn with lanterns and fairy lights and, over a beer, reminisced on what had been a very eventful evening.
The following day was a chill-out day. It involved a lie-in, a late breakfast, some reading and some lounging around. It was Sunday after all. That night at dinner we met some more new faces who would be joining us for the journey into Laos, two more Aussies, a Brit and an American. As with everyone we had met so far on the trip they seemed lovely and would make a welcome addition to our group.
The final football matches of the season were being played at home to decide the winners of the Premiership League. Normally I couldn't care less about football but on this occasion I made an exception. The atmosphere in the bar was electrifying as all three matches were being screened on separate screens. Roars would suddenly erupt in the bar and you'd have to swing your head around to one of three screens to see whether Manchester United, Manchester City or Arsenal had scored. When Man City scored the winning goal to be crowned Premiership Champions, the bar went crazy and celebrations began in earnest. Our night was rounded off by the in-house band All Around The World. An eclectic mix of crazy female Russian lead singer, laid-back to the point of coma Japanese backing singer and Thai backing band. They sang rock songs in English while the female singer in silver sequins pouted and writhed and jumped around a lot and the guitarist channelled Jimmy Page and pulled the appropriate face during the guitar solos. After an enjoyable evening where I'd danced, showed just how bad I am at pool and sunk a few beers, I headed home.
My final day in Bangkok was spent at yet another mall, the MBK, watching or rather snoozing through The Avengers. We also found out that one of our group had been arrested coming back from the bar the previous night after he'd given chase and apprehended a girl who'd stolen his wallet. After three hours at the police station during which time it came to light that the girl had stolen several wallets belonging to tourists, he made a statement and was allowed to leave.
My experience of Bangkok thus far had been very disappointing and the incident the previous night had merely served to complete my disillusionment. With the exception of one taxi driver who had been very nice, I hadn't encountered any of the renowned Thai courtesy or hospitality. People weren't especially friendly. Some were downright rude. Trying to get anywhere felt like a battle of wits and it felt like people were constantly trying to rip you off. Where we were staying, in the heart of the backpacker district, was full of Western faces with bars and cafes that offered Western food and played Western music. There were Westerners slouched in doorways sleeping off the effects of too much alcohol and the Khao San Road with its Irish bars, KFCs, McDonalds and mass crowds of tourists could have been any road in any Spanish resort. Same same but different. I hadn't come travelling to experience this. The whole point of coming to SE Asia was to experience new cultures and see things I had never seen before.
For this reason Bangkok disappointed me and I spent my whole time there just wishing we could leave. The fact that we would be returning to Bangkok later on in the trip didn't fill me with joy.
Next up was Laos, one of the places I had heard so many incredible things about. I couldn't wait to get there. It would involve another sleeper train, a conductor who made rooster noises and a four-hour delay.